LIFE

I have to interrupt my 30 days of Thankfulness (or three days as it were) to share something miraculous.


Since the middle of October, I have been on a downward spiral. It began with withdrawing our paperwork for the sweet baby girl we hoped would be our daughter.


Since then, it has been absolutely downhill for me. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. It's been bad, y'all. This week, I honestly was at the end of myself. 


I am the kind of person that is easily consumed with things. Once my mind settles on it, that is it. As hard as I try to avoid "triggers", all it takes is a comment or a fleeting thought and it becomes rooted in my very soul. 


This week, my littlest boy Jameson, had a headache. He thought it was from hitting his head, but now I really think it was a migraine. He even saw weird flashing lights.  Y'all, when he said, "Mommy, look at the colored dots!", I thought I was going to vomit. The next day, I took him to the doctor and then he had a CT scan of his head. He is totally fine, and has been ever since. But, that was all it took - my trigger. Even though I knew my baby was ok, I was paralyzed with fear. Fear for all my whole family. I let those thoughts take root in my spirit, and once it was there, there was no letting it go on my own.


On Wednesday, I was doing my bible study (right now I am doing James, Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore.) and she was talking about how we can choose LIFE or DEATH. The whole time I was studying, I had those nagging thoughts in my mind. Thoughts of something being wrong physically with me or my children. Scary thoughts. I kept trying to push them away. I know that Jesus is not the author of fear, and I was letting fear rule me. Well, at the very end of the study, Beth referenced Deuteronomy 30:19-20:


This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may liveand that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.


I was so humbled.  I knew then that I really needed to let the fear go. I needed to choose LIFE.  Satan has been on my back, that is for sure. But I can't let him stay there. If I continue down the path I have been on, ultimately, I am choosing DEATH. 


I have one more thought. A while back I heard something that was profound to me. It literally shook me to the core. I was at a Casting Crowns concert (love them!) and Mark Hall shared this about the Samaritan woman that met Jesus at the well:


The woman thought she was talking to a man she had met standing at the well. But ultimately, she was standing at a hole in the ground and she was talking to The Well. 


Jesus is The Well. He possesses living water. The only water than can truly quench our thirst. If you are thirsty today, please consider The Well.  Casting Crowns has a new song called "The Well". I encourage you to take a minute and read the lyrics. It is truly life changing.

Leave it all behind, Leave it all behind, Leave it all behind, Leave it all behind, I have what you need, But you keep on searchin, I've done all the work, But you keep on workin, When you're runnin on empty, And you can't find the remedy, Just come to the well. You can spend your whole life, Chasin what's missing, But that empty inside, It just ain't gonna listen. When nothing can satisfy, And the world leaves you high and dry, Just come to the well CHORUS: And all who thirst will thirst no more, And all who search will find what their souls long for, The world will try, but it can never fill, So leave it all behind, and come to the well So bring me your heart No matter how broken, Just come as you are, When your last prayer is spoken, Rest in My arms a while, You'll feel the change my child, When you come to the well CHORUS: And all who thirst will thirst no more, And all who search will find what their souls long for, The world will try, but it can never fill, So leave it all behind, and come to the well Yeah Leave it all behind The world will try, but it can never fill... leave it all behind And now that you're full, Of love beyond measure, Your joy's gonna flow, Like a stream in the desert, Soon all the world will see that living water is found in me, Cuz you came to the well CHORUS: And all who thirst will thirst no more, And all who search will find what their souls long for, The world will try, but it can never fill, So leave it all behind, and come to the well Outro: leave it all behind, leave it all behind... repeat

30 DAYS OF THANKFULNESS - DAY 3

Yikes. I am a bit behind. Never fear, I can catch up.

Today, I am thankful for Starbucks. Specifically, Peppermint White Chocolate Mochas. It's just one of those things. Comfort in a cup.

We don't live in a town with a Starbucks (don't even get me started on that. Seriously.), so it's a treat when I do get to go. When I take that first sip of my PWCM- it's like there is a physical reaction. I just feel like burdens melt away for a moment. 

Yes, I understand that is superficial. Don't judge me. I am also aware that the PWCM is like eleventy bajillion calories. Don't care about that either. 

I just love it. 

30 DAYS OF THANKFULNESS - DAY 2

Since I was late getting my first thankful post up, there will be two for today.

Day Two:

I am thankful for my children (obviously!). However, this post isn't about being thankful for having them, but rather being thankful for who they are.

I am just so proud of their hearts. The each have such sweet spirits. We always talk about good character traits and making right choices, and I can tell you - they get it. They truly desire to live a life that exhibits the fruit of the spirit.

I think about myself as an 8 year old, and I can tell you - I did not think about living a life that reflects the Son with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.  I thought about myself and my own happiness. My heart didn't break for "the least of these". I didn't think about the orphan or widow. I certainly didn't live to please the Father.

However, my children truly seek to live righteous lives. I am not saying all of this to say that my kids are perfect. Not even close. I am just saying that they try. They are aware of these things, and they try to live a life that is fruitful. And honestly, when they fail, they are repentant. They understand that to be repentant it's more than saying sorry. It's saying sorry and turning from that behavior or wrong doing.

They are 8, 6 and 4 - children! Yet, they have found and chosen the narrow path (Matt 7:14). And don't even get me started on their faith! Oh to have the unwavering faith they have!

I am so thankful and so proud of them! God has big plans for them, and I can't wait to see what He will do with their lives!

30 DAYS OF THANKFULNESS - DAY 1

So I have had (had? Yeah right.) my pity party, I am moving on to all the reasons I have to be thankful. I have decided that for every day in November, I am going to write a post sharing something I am thankful for in my life.

So here is November 1st:

I am so thankful that God chose Brad to by my husband. He is such a godly husband and father. We recently saw the movie Courageous. If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. You will laugh, cry, and more importantly, leave challenged. The movie is about a group of men that realize they aren't being the godly husband and fathers God intended them to be. I know fathers' that have shared that this movie was a wake up call for them, and praise Jesus for that. However, I can say with 100% honesty that Brad lives that life already.

He is so many things to me. I can't imagine my life without him, and I pray I never do. I look forward to growing old with him and spending the rest of my days at his side!